I read a lot about money and personal finance. The idea of stewardship is very powerful in my life. However, sometimes, in my sin, I become quite annoyed with the authors. There is this common thread of truth that hasn’t penetrated my heart. That idea is that it’s not all mine. It’s the idea that worldly treasure is meaningless in light of heavenly treasure. The idea that comfort is not worth striving for. I confess this to you for one reason—it is for you to understand that you are not alone. Maybe personal finance gurus don’t struggle with this, but I do. Thus, because of that, you are not alone.

When life has me down and I forget whose I am or what I am doing, I have to go back to the basics. I look back and remember God’s promises for me—that He will never leave me or forsake me. That He knew me before the foundation of the world. That He gave His only Son to die in my place. That He is Good. That He is Sovereign. That His lovingkindness endures forever.

When greed calls out in my heart I have to do the same thing. I have to go to the foundation of the Bible and preach myself the truth. These are the reasons why I give:

It’s not all for me. It’s not even all for my family. God has temporarily allowed me to manage some of His assets, but never with the intent that I would keep it all. God designed tithes and offerings so that it would create dependency on Him and provision for others. The well-known verse in Malachi speaks to this:

Will a man rob God? Yet you are robbing Me! But you say, ‘How have we robbed You?’ In tithes and offerings. You are cursed with a curse, for you are robbing Me, the whole nation of you! Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, so that there maybe food in My house. (Malachi 3:8-10)

Based on this, we can’t ignore the rest of verse 10: “Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, so that there may be food in My house, and test Me now in this,” says the Lord of hosts, “if I will not open for you the windows of heaven and pour out for you a blessing until it overflows.” God teaches us that we can’t out give Him. His promises to provide are real and they are true and they are good. Just ask the birds of the air and the lilies of the fields. God created it all, and He owns it all. Yet, His generosity is unmatched. Read how beautiful this is: “For every beast of the forest is Mine, the cattle on a thousand hills. I know every bird of the mountains, and everything that moves in the field is Mine” (Psalm 50:10-1). Verse 15 then reads: “Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I shall rescue you, and you will honor Me.”

Money, comfort, status do not sustain me. God’s love does. My true identity does not lie with those things (nor even in the idolatry of those things!) but in Christ. His sacrifice was once for all—and that includes my greed. I trust. Trust that God will use what I give to further His Kingdom and to provide for His children. I trust that He can multiply what I give and use it for His glory.  Sometimes God puts a longing in my heart to give for a specific reason or occasion. I wish that this happened more because obedience feels really good.

God calls us to provide for each other. Sometimes this one-to-one, and others times it’s done through regular, church-based giving. As a former and current member of the benevolence team, I have seen first hand how amazingly this has affected my brothers and sisters in Christ.

Giving is my only offensive weapon against greed. It allows God’s truth to soften my heart. It reminds me that there is more to this life than what I can see and that my cameo appearance in God’s story is small, but nonetheless important to Him.

He sat in my office and I could see the frustration and pain on his face. He had just essentially identified himself as murderer, protector, and helpless observer all at the same time. Porn had become such a big part of his life that it had scrambled his identity, the way he saw himself. Maybe you can relate to this picture, maybe this feels familiar. You feel like three different people; part of you loves your sin and part of you hates it, and part of you is just tired and wants the struggle to stop.

That’s confusing, and over the long haul it can stir up some fundamental questions about identity. “If I say I believe in Jesus but continue looking at porn, who am I?” “Am I a pervert, someone who defiles and hurts?”

For some, overwhelming shame comes as they carry on a secret life looking at naked people and then spend the rest of their time trying to act like someone who is not looking at naked people. There can be constant fear that someone will either catch them in the act or will pull back the curtain and see them for who they “really are.” The result is often emotional isolation and profound loneliness: “I am dangerous, and anyone who gets close to me will get hurt, feel disgusted, and leave anyway.” “Am I a basically good guy who struggles with lust but is trying to do better?”

Sometimes this can also sound like, “I know I screwed up again, but I’ll do better from now on.” There can be such an attachment to a good image that anything at odds with it is downplayed or even ignored altogether. “Am I a helpless observer?” More and more research is being compiled about the self-reinforcing effect that sexual addiction has on the neurological structure of the brain. Many can point back to deficits in the way they were parented, deficits that they are now trying to correct by turning to porn. Sometimes past abuse has contributed to current struggles. These factors cannot be overlooked and often
have huge impact. But for some they can also become insurmountable reasons why they will always struggle with pornography. I have heard all of these things and more from other men. I have said some of them myself. Maybe some of them ring a bell with you. Regardless, I want to underline an important point: sexual sin, especially long-term sexual sin, shouts at you about who you are. What is it shouting at you? There is another voice with another story that you need to listen carefully to: God speaking through the Bible. So what does Scripture say about the identity of a believer in Jesus who struggles with pornography? I can’t answer this question completely because the Bible has a lot to say here. But let’s look at one big passage on identity and see what it has to say to us here: Hebrews 10:19-23.

“Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, by the new and living way that he opened for us through the curtain, that is through his flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a
true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.”

1) Only you and God know whether you are relying on the blood of Jesus or on your ability to stay away from porn to keep your conscience clean. But when we see ourselves primarily as perverts, God is saying to us that although sobriety can make us feel clean, it cannot make us clean before God. But because of the death of Jesus it is impossible to overestimate the grace that is yours in Him. His grace will never run out and He will never leave you.

2) The book of Hebrews was written to people who knew about Jesus and his good news but who were subtly congratulating themselves that a good reputation with their culture was so was God. When we see ourselves primarily as good upstanding men, we may be in danger of doing the same thing. God reminds us here that the “hope of our confession” is not
a good reputation, but peace with God solely because of the goodness and faithfulness of God through Jesus. Losing human approval cannot tell you who you are any more than keeping it can.

3) One day we will enter God’s holy place for good and we will never leave. But even now we have that same confidence to stay in God’s presence all the time “by the new and living way.” When we feel mostly helpless and tired and overwhelmed, we need to know that we have a great priest, Jesus, who both knows what it is like down here and gives us the Holy Spirit. And because of the indwelling of the Holy Spirit sin is not your master. Your sin pattern may seem inevitable, but it is not because of the identity Jesus has purchased and bestowed on you.

Paul tells the Corinthians that “the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.” What Jesus tells us about ourselves in his death and resurrection is qualitatively different from what we will hear about ourselves from the world. Who are we listening to?

Are you interested in serving through counseling and caring for broken people?

Would you like an introductory training led by a Karis leader for their specific ministry team?

If any of these questions grabbed your attention then consider coming to the Luminary basement on Saturday, August 20th from 9am – 2pm. We are calling this event “The Foyer” because it is the entry point to getting involved in serving at Karis House. This event is for Journey members that are considering getting involved in one of the following ministries at Karis House -

Redemption Groups – Joel Greiner and Marsha Graham

Financial Counseling – Denise Marshall

Karis Kids – Rachel Hodges and Liz Maness

Marriage Mentoring- Brooke Wolfe

Lay Counseling – Eric Gregory and Amy Mattia

In addition to the ministry directors listed above, our current lay leaders, interns and professional staff will be in attendance as well; this will be a great opportunity for you to hear from them about their experience at Karis. Here’s what you can expect if you attend: Coffee and bagels… vision and history of Karis House… introduction to the Karis community… free lunch… and an introductory training opportunity led by each ministry team director. This event only happens once a year, so please attend if you would like to get involved this year.

If you would like to attend, you need to RSVP by Wednesday, August 17th – click here to RSVP http://bit.ly/r0tuaS

Please let me know if you have any questions; you can email me directly at jgreiner@karishouse.org or call the office at 314-802-8805. Thanks!

At some point in each child’s life, they start to see and experience the brokenness of our world. Whether through abuse that has been done to them, or relationships that have failed them, children sometimes experience hurt, hopelessness and confusion. Children are amazingly resilient, but even amongst the most resilient there is often room, and even a need, for additional support as they face a broken world.

While Karis House has always been a place where children can receive counseling, and will continue to be a place where children can receive counseling, we are very excited to announce the beginning of a new branch of Karis House called Karis Kids!

Karis Kids will be an in-home child and family therapy program that utilizes
professional and lay counselors. We have been awarded a grant from The Lutheran Foundation to provide affordable, Gospel Centered counseling to children in South City.

I am excited and humbled to have the opportunity to serve as the Director of Karis Kids. I have volunteered as a Lay Counselor at Karis House since we opened in July of 2008. It has been a joy to see God’s stories of Redemption in my life, the lives of my clients, and lives of others who work and serve at Karis House.

Our Karis Kids team is working hard as we prepare to launch early this Fall. Please join us in prayer as we anticipate how God will work in and through the lives of everyone involved with this amazing opportunity to serve our city’s kids and their families.

Interested in getting involved?
If you are interested in learning how you can invest your time, treasure, and talents into Karis Kids, please e-mail  rhodges@karishouse.org for more information.

“The Lord used this experience tremendously in my life.  Praise Him for all the changes He made in my heart… I really saw Jesus change my heart in significant ways over these 8 weeks.”

“It was amazing and more than I expected it to be. God is definitely showing up and using this process in His loved ones’ lives.”

“The leaders in my small group were relentless in going after our hearts and making God’s truth central in our group time. Their commitment to seeing us take down walls in our hearts to let God move was such a picture of God’s love and what community with believers is all about.”

I am so thankful for Mars Hill Seattle and Mike Wilkerson’s ministry, his coaching, and his book Redemption. Redemption Groups have influenced our leadership, our church and our counseling center in profound ways. We are captured by the beauty of God’s redemption. He has brought freedom to our leaders and participants to worship Christ with honest repentance and joy – some for the first time.

And Redemption Groups roll on. We are hosting a Redemption Group Immersion from June 10^th-13^th at the Journey’s West County Campus. An RG Immersion is an intense time (three days) of training created specifically for leaders at the Journey and partnering Acts 29 churches. A typical group experience (normally spaced over eight to ten weeks) is packed into three days, amounting to about four sessions per day. If you have questions, please email Liz Maness at lmaness@karishouse.org.

To register for the Immersion, please click here -

Redemption Group Immersion Registration

He was angry,  “I have a son now; I don’t need a daughter.”

Those words shaped me from that day forward.  They reinforced a message I was already getting from my mother, that anger had terrible consequences and should be avoided at all times.  I worked even harder to be relationally perfect and give people what I thought they wanted from me; not really me.  I built a safety that I trusted.  I relied on this relationship strategy not just with my family, but also in all relationships.

14 years later, after coming to know God in a personal way, and marrying a Godly man who challenged my relationship strategies, I found a letter from my dad in my mom’s things.  In that letter he confessed his sorrow over our severed relationship and asked her to just let him know if I was ok.  I decided to write him.  I knew God enough to know that forgiveness was necessary for my dad.

Initially, however, I thought my forgiveness could just be on paper.  My plan was to write the letter, expressing how I was now and my forgiveness for what had happened in our relationship.  I didn’t plan on actually having a relationship.  This was my sin.  It’s quite arrogant to think forgiveness of my father should cost me no more than a few pages of paper, when my own forgiveness cost a perfect savior his life.

Lucky for me, God is bigger than my plans.  On the day I went to drop the letter off at my dad’s mailbox, he came out of his house and stood on the lawn.  This was no coincidence.  So, after my husband hand delivered the letter, my dad invited us in his house and I knew I had to go.  I went and met his other children and saw my step mom.  We talked for an uncomfortable 5 or 10 minutes.  I left him with my email address, which he was quick to use.  We had a few conversations via the web and a few phone conversations after that.  Then I began to visit him on Holidays.

Still, even in this new more-than-paper relationship.  I held myself back.  I never was alone with my dad; I always had Nathan with me as a buffer.  I never really risked and told him things that I wouldn’t tell a complete stranger.  I would give time, but I still would not really let it cost me.  I didn’t risk because I was afraid of pain, and I wasn’t willing to hope for more.  Even in times when my heart did stir; I would quickly squelch it and kill the hope so that no more suffering could come.  I sinned by not trusting God to paint redemption in my relationship however he wanted to.  I wanted it to be my on my terms, again—not costly.

Again God mercifully showed me this sin.  This time through a redemption group with leaders that asked me hard questions and helped me see that I was still being arrogant and not obedient.  In that four days, I spent a lot of time with God, and was able to repent for not trusting him and not offering true forgiveness to my father, for mocking what biblical forgiveness is by thinking I could be in charge of it.  I asked God what true obedience would be.  He let me know that I needed to talk with my dad.  I needed to be honest about my sin and apologize to my father for my distance.  At first this really rubbed me wrong.  My pride reared its ugly head.  However, God kept working and eventually I was able to reach out to my dad.

I went to visit him and had coffee just him and me.  We had a great talk and in that talk I confessed my distance and asked for forgiveness.  Tears welled up in his eyes as he assured me that my fears were unnecessary.  He told me he loves me and is in.  He is not going anywhere.  I didn’t expect this reaction, but I am thankful for it.  I don’t know what will be next for our relationship, but I am comfortable not knowing now.  I follow God and that’s enough.  Praise a heavenly father that will forgive and push, and is powerful enough to want more for me than I am brave enough to want for myself.

What is a Redemption Group, you ask?

A Redemption Group is an intense small group that digs deep into difficult and seldom-discussed areas of life, such as abuse, addiction, and trials of all sorts. (see below)

WHEN IS IT? 1) February 4-5th – Weekend Intensive (Fri. night and Sat. morning) and 2) February 7th – March 28th (Monday nights from 7-9pm)

WHERE IS IT? Tower Grove Campus/Karis House

HOW MUCH IS IT? $10, covering the cost of book

HOW DO I SIGN-UP? Click here – Redemption Group Registration

Narrative Description –

The format is an Intense discussion in small groups. Far beyond Bible study, this is about life study—your life connecting with Jesus’ life. Participants challenge one another, and the Word reveals hearts. It’s not uncommon to hear comments like, “I thought I would take that secret to my grave.” The process is eye-opening; many people initially join a Redemption Group to address a behavior (“I thought I was here to learn how to stop looking at porn”) or support a spouse, but oftentimes God accomplishes something much deeper.

The main focus is of the groups is sin and suffering. Someone entangled in a habitual sin (addiction) not only needs delivery from sin, but also to come face to face with a Redeemer who delivers from suffering, pain, and misery. Someone limping from the wounds of abuse is not only desperate to know the compassionate presence of Jesus, but is also in great need of the Word, which discerns the sinful intentions that turn a wounded heart into a wounding heart. Our sins and sufferings are inextricably interwoven and Jesus redeems it all.

Redemption Group curriculum follows the story of Exodus, with the Israelites journeying through the wilderness from slavery to freedom. Along the way, Jesus shows up. A Redemption Group is only the beginning—or a way station—in a lifelong journey. Groups are brief and get right to work, meeting only about ten weeks. Participants leave groups armed with new ways of seeing God and themselves, and tools for working it out over time in community.

But what about people who have wronged us and not asked for our forgiveness? Are we really supposed to forgive those who have not acknowledged the wrong they have done to us? The answer to this question is more difficult to hear and accept. We have all struggled to not hold grudges against those who have done us great harm. I have had a difficult time forgiving one of my wife’s friends who did her great harm and then acted as if nothing wrong had been done. Even though I never said anything to this person, I acted as if I would remain on bad terms with this person until an admission of guilt had been made and an apology was given. As I let my feelings of judgment and bitterness fester against this person over the course of 3 years, I came to realize a very important truth: I was being prideful. Who was I to withhold my own kindness from this person while expecting an apology to be made to me? My actions showed that I did not care if this person asked God for forgiveness. That was not enough for me. I was refusing to forgive this person unless an apology was made to me. I was putting myself on equal terms with God!

What God was revealing to me in my own heart was that I was a sinner, too. I had wronged many people, too. I had refrained from asking others for forgiveness, too. And what really became evident through all this was that forgiveness was not something other people needed from me, forgiveness was something I needed to give to others so that I could remove the barriers to true relationship restoration with my offenders and, ultimately, with God. My bitterness towards this person and pride of my own self-righteousness was poisoning my heart and keeping me from being able to rejoice and know the love and peace that surpasses all understanding (Phil 4:7).

God also used that instance with my wife’s friend to remind me of the words Jesus spoke in Luke 6:37-38. In this passage, Jesus reminds his listeners that we must first forgive others if we are to be forgiven by God. He says, “For with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you (Luke 6:38b).” If we are slow to forgive and hold others in high unforgiveable debt, so shall it be between us and God. What is especially interesting about this passage is that Jesus’ command for us to forgive others is nowhere qualified with a phrase such as “as long as your offender is repentant” or “as long as he has said he is sorry to you.” Instead, Jesus commands us to forgive those who have wronged us. Period. That means we have all been called by God to forgive even those who are not repentant for the wrongs they have done to us. Our response, as proclaimers of the gospel, is to offer these people in our lives forgiveness. It may not lead to total relationship restoration, but an unforgiving heart and long-held grudges against our offender must not be the barriers to such an end.

Should we forgive others if we don’t feel like it? God’s Word clearly tells us that we must. But God is gracious and kind to remind us that we, too, have been forgiven for the ways we have wronged our Father. And when we realize how much mercy and grace has been rained down upon us, the power of the gospel to forgive those who have wounded us most deeply can triumph over our unforgiveness and pain. May we come to realize that the Lord has called us all to forgive, even those who we do not feel deserve it, because forgiveness does not just heal relationships with others – it heals our own hearts as well.

Aaron Lewis is a counseling intern at Karis House, the Journey’s counseling center on the Tower Grove campus. He is from Indiana but is not a Hoosier; he attended Purdue for undergrad.

Broken relationships are part of the environment of a fallen world. Probably the biggest break in a relationship I experienced was with my sister. She is 6 years older than me and we were never very close growing up. With our age difference, it wasn’t until adulthood that we got a chance to get to know each other. We tried to be friends, but it was difficult and eventually it failed. We barely talked for about 3 years other than seeing each other on holidays. Friends would tell me about fun times with their sisters and I wanted that, but it felt impossible. I had almost no hope that we could ever be close.

One of the most contentious relationships in the Bible is between two brothers, Jacob and Esau. Their relationship was so combative that Genesis says they were fighting in their mother’s womb (Gen 25). Late in their teens, Jacob conned his older brother out of his inheritance and their father’s blessing. Then in Genesis 27:41, Esau makes a public vow to kill Jacob, to which Jacob responds by fleeing and staying away for 14 years.

When it was time to return home, Jacob is afraid about reuniting with his brother. He remembers the vow Esau made to kill him and knows there is a risk in returning. Genesis 32-33 detail the lengthy efforts he went through to prepare to meet Esau. Even though he had seen God work in his life, he knew that an angry brother is still an angry brother. He had cheated Esau, and so Jacob had a hard time believing that his brother would forgive.

How does brokenness heal? How can two people who hate each other find a way back to being in a relationship? We see these brothers in the Bible and it seems hopeless. We may not go to the extreme of vowing to end the life of another, but we may feel like cutting someone off from us, in a sense terminating them from our lives. Or we may be on the other side. We may have wronged someone and it seems that nothing could ever repair the wrong.

Where can we find hope? In God. When Jacob finally met Esau, Esau surprised him with a hug. God had clearly softened Esau’s heart toward Jacob, which prompted Esau forgave his brother.

What was keeping my sister and me apart? I thought my sister didn’t like me, she was dealing with her issues, and we didn’t know how to talk about it. We had all this baggage from childhood and we couldn’t figure out how to sort through it in order to love each other. After a misunderstanding while planning our parent’s 40th wedding anniversary, I finally broached the subject. Asking my sister what she was mad about got the ball rolling and allowed us both to apologize. We are now good friends because God has healed our relationship. He helped both of us to swallow our pride, ask forgiveness, and then to forgive each other. There are times that my sister and I still get mad at each other, but we have come to a place in our relationship that we can talk about it and work it out.

God wants relationships to be healed. Through his death on the cross, Jesus made it possible for our broken relationship with him to be healed so that now we can be in communion with him, and with others (1 John 1:7). But to experience that healing you may need to take some time to examine your heart to see if you have wronged another. Or it may mean confronting someone for the wrongs they have done.

Either way, prayer, forgiveness, humility, and repentance are a good place to start in working towards healing a broken relationship.

Joanna Williams is a staff counselor at Karis House, the Journey’s counseling center on the Tower Grove campus. She is an unabashed Lost fan.

But what about when sickness isn’t that simple? What about when it hangs around or gets worse, or when the doctors can’t find what’s wrong? Healing isn’t easy or simple anymore.

What about when the pain feels more like sadness or grief, or anger that you just can’t shake, or a shameful secret that you’ve sworn you’ll take to the grave? That kind of sickness is hard to diagnose and even harder to treat. Healing is unpredictable and it seems to come more slowly than we can bear.

It is part of this kind of sickness that we often work frantically to cover it over and cure it ourselves before anyone else finds out exactly how dark, sick, or wounded we are. “God, please just fix this so I can get on with things.” And the hardest thing to bear about pain is how shameful it feels. It can whisper to us about who we are, and it adds with a hiss that we will never be anything else, which is often the most painful thought of all.

Heart pain is complicated because people are complicated. Depression, grief, anger, addictions, past abuse, and other sources of heart pain do not have easy answers because people are not nice and neat. And God’s healing for these things is often messy and unpredictable, and almost never easy.

But he does promise healing. When the people of Israel were suffering horribly, oppressed and hopeless, shamed and sick, God spoke through Ezekiel to them and this is what he promised: “I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean from all your uncleannesses, and from all your idols I will cleanse you. And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules. You shall dwell in the land that I gave to your fathers, and you shall be my people, and I will be your God” (Ezekiel 36:25-28).

God accomplishes the redemption and healing of his people. It began when Christ came and reconciled all things to himself, and it will be finally and completely done when he comes again to set all things right.

But here and now, God is getting rid of our idols by coming to dwell with us in his Spirit. He gives us new hearts, removing our old hard hearts and replacing them with soft hearts that respond to his slightest touch. God’s presence is our healing. The process of drying every tear and salving every wound has already begun in the hearts of believers because Jesus dwells there and because it is his work and not ours. .

But it is obvious that sin and pain and suffering is not over with. In the meantime, what are we supposed to do?

First, we have to acknowledge our desperate need for healing. God tells Israel hard things about themselves: they are unclean, they prostitute themselves to idols of all sorts, and their hearts are made of stone. Many of us are uncomfortable admitting things like that about ourselves even in generalities. But letting anyone into the dark corners of our hearts is downright terrifying. But unless we let God and trusted brothers and sisters into the dark places and memories we work so hard to protect, the Gospel will be slow to penetrate to the source of our woundedness.

Second, we have to put all of our hope in Jesus. That means we must trust and depend on him more than we trust and depend on our strength, intelligence, reputation, control, attractiveness, organizational skills, niceness or emotional stability. It also means that we trust and depend on him more than we trust and depend on our counselor, our pastor, our church, our community group, or even our spouse.

This requires faith, plain and simple. Not perfect faith, not unwavering faith, but faith. We will not uncover ourselves before Jesus unless we trust that he is good, tender, and strong enough to heal us. And he is. And in the end God’s presence in our hearts is the only ultimate remedy for our pain.

Eric Gregory is a staff counselor at Karis House, the Journey’s counseling center at the Tower Grove campus. He sees individuals and couples for counseling.